I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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