Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you made out with another girl for some wings
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
