I look better un-naked...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
