I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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