I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
