Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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