her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize