But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize