so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
