you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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