wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
