I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
