the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
