i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
