dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
