so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize