you would pick up someone in the library
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
