2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
