My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
