i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
