So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
