If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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