If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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