I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Text me some of your sweat
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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