Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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