you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
