It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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