Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
