what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
