hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
third nipple confirmed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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