Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
