just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
