Can i not drive my cunt home
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
