I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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