i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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