Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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