I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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