he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
