I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I look better un-naked...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
