drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its not stalking. its research.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
