right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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