Yo dont text me then not text me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
