In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
