It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We had sex on a dog bed..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
