Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
