so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
