why didn't you poke me back
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
