Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
