remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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