There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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