you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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