why didn't you poke me back
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
