I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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