I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
