OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
