He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize