"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
