I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
