His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
