I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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