the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
