i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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