nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
