Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
