u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
