There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
