the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
