i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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