I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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