Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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