i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
