I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
