i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
