I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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