There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
