You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize